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Saturday, 1 June 2013 | 06:59 | 0 pandaIt hurts me. I mean like, so bad. I can't even state the definition of hurt to myself. I miss you like crazy, cause if we were together till today. We'll be happy and I maybe would quit crying. But then, you have to ruin it all don't you? You just have to cheat.
My friends told me to stop missing you and start moving on. If I could, I would. But, every time I met another guy, my head keeps telling me that they guy i met wasn't you. It wasn't you. He's different. Yes, everyone is different. But, I can't. I just can't.
They said they understand what I've been going through. But, they lied. They don't. They keep telling me that they would be there when I needed them just like you. They promised me everything, just like you. And they broke the promises, just like you.
Right now, I can't trust people. Call me crazy, but when I think that my loneliness is critical, I talk to animal. Like cats. I would hold them, pat their head, and cry. Maybe it understand, maybe it won't. I don't mind. Sometimes, I just need to talk to someone. I just need someone to hold me and say everything would be just fine, even though I know that life would never be okay.
I want to fall apart and break down. But, unfortunately I can't. I have to, not scratch that. I need to stay strong. I need to fake my smile and my laugh to stay alive on the outside. I just need to. I can't let anyone in and out just because they have the right. But, they can't do that. THEY DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO TREAT ME LIKE I AM A SECOND CHOICE. I HAVE FEELINGS TOO.
I screamed and I cried but no one seems to care. There is so much pain and I don't know how to not notice it. I can't snap my fingers and just "be okay". I'm trying.