My friends told me to stop missing you and start moving on. If I could, I would. But, every time I met another guy, my head keeps telling me that they guy i met wasn't you. It wasn't you. He's different. Yes, everyone is different. But, I can't. I just can't. 

They said they understand what I've been going through. But, they lied. They don't. They keep telling me that they would be there when I needed them just like you. They promised me everything, just like you. And they broke the promises, just like you. 

Right now, I can't trust people. Call me crazy, but when I think that my loneliness is critical, I talk to animal. Like cats. I would hold them, pat their head, and cry. Maybe it understand, maybe it won't. I don't mind. Sometimes, I just need to talk to someone. I just need someone to hold me and say everything would be just fine, even though I know that life would never be okay.

I  want to fall apart and break down. But, unfortunately I can't. I have to, not scratch that. I need to stay strong. I need to fake my smile and my laugh to stay alive on the outside. I just need to. I can't let anyone in and out just because they have the right. But, they can't do that. THEY DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO TREAT ME LIKE I AM A SECOND CHOICE. I HAVE FEELINGS TOO.

I screamed and I cried but no one seems to care. There is so much pain and I don't know how to not notice it. I can't snap my fingers and just "be okay". I'm trying.